Sunday, July 5, 2009

Queen Jolee as LJ would say...

It's getting down to the wire now. I have 13 days until I set off for my adventure. I'm looking at it all positively and I'm sure that once it's here and done and over with I'll be fine. But at the moment, I cannot stress any more or I think I'd just be a plain 'bitch.'

I had such a fun night at work despite America sucking and no customers. I sold over 600 dollars worth of Sonic shit today. I sold the most out of the afternoon and night crew and I was making 7 bucks an hour. So I'm not sure why I am so worried. I'm starting to pay off my debts and I'm proud. My checks are getting bigger from work thanks to the overload of hours but I do have a fear that I wont find what I want in San Diego. I'm hoping Wes will NOT tell me, "We're here if you decide to come back." I don't want to come back, I think I've made that pretty clear. I'm done here and all my business is finished. I've learned upon visiting my 'dad's' grave, I carry him in my heart and my soul. In the past 10 months I've visited him 4 times. Last summer I boasted I'd finally be able to live 'with' or near my dad again. Nice huh?

But it's not the same and I am on my own now. No dad buying me school clothes and certainly no mom to pay for school period. Maybe it's me, but I've got to say I'm a little pissed. I grew up in a world where parents not only love and encourage their children they teach them how to build a life and career. Well, I didn't grow up there, but let's just say I saw it in movies. My parents didn't do much of that. 2 classes paid for. And I thank you for that Jim. Oh wait, that was my step-grandfather. But I cannot discredit my grandmother because she did buy me 3 cars. I thank you for that. I guess I'm a little bitter. I'm a bit fucking jealous even. My sister gets a house. I get grief over the money I owe her for said cars.

Which brings me to my next point...

... yes SIS, I'm LIVID with you over the Explorer. YOU owe your mother for that! What was it you paid, only 3 or 4 hundred? Ask Robert or better yet ask Natalie. They'll remind you.

And you know what? I give up. I surrender. I'm going to take care of myself since neither of them seem interested. I am my own strong, beautiful young woman who has so many adventures to take!

I am so glad to be moving back to California and to do it for me. I mean truly do something for me for once. Everyone might think that the things I do are selfish and yes, sometimes that's one angle or motive for a decision but I promise you, moving to Missouri was not one of those times. I did it for my bm, for my sister, for my family. Now that they're sadly all gone, I am all on my own with my good friends in California.

Thank you Lord for the most precious gift there is. Freedom. (Next to truth that is.)

Love, Light and Peace,
Queen Jolee
(It's 3:15 am in KCMO. Not almost 1 am!)