I want to write this document with conviction, and dignity. I don't want to slander anything or mince my words. I want to be open, honest without giving too much.
"I'm so bruised right now. And I cannot deny the symptoms. Manic, circular thinking, paranoia, suicidal thoughts, proactive thoughts, insomnia, lack of emotion, outbursts of hysteria, headaches, muscles aches, loss/gain of appetite. I sound like a big "complaint" box. I have to get out of here, this world is making me ill! But after having gone through the accident and being, jobless, no car, in a basement, albeit in a much better location, I'm exhausted. I still have the decency to know I will be just fine. People out there have it so much worse! I've 'got to keep my head up, gotta hold my hands up, gotta keep on breathin'. Thank you Britney for the inspiration!"
"I'm at a stand still on moving back home. I owe these idiots (oops) but I'm not too worried. I know they're all gonna DIE when I tell them the news. It's gotta be soon. I've got a job and I've got will. I'll be home before summer's end! "What now, what now?" Oh Kaci Brown, I love your beautiful soul! CA or Bust?" - April 18th, 2009
I write again on May 10th and then on July 26th, after I moved (or 'displaced myself'). And it's a much different head space. A floaty one.
Overall, I can see in my writings a young, motivated, somewhat confused woman who can take care of herself.
And after rereading this, it's obviously confusing and not the point. I mean to say that I don't think I can surrender to my life I'd previously had. This is a reminder to keep your bridges up, but burn them if needed! I have to say, that time has come. No looking back. "Purge all thoughts of the life you knew before." Once again, music holds my hand in this and every lifetime! Thanks to Mr. Webber and Mr. Butler for this fine piece of art...
I leave you with this... Blessed be my friends and loved ones. I want peace for us all.
Love. Light. Peace.
Jolee
