Monday, July 13, 2009

Me Improving? How UNHEARD of...

It's not longer a secret that I am moving on in pursuit of some pretty amazing feats. I am so proud of myself for deciding to take this step. I still have much growing up to do. I still have a lot of anger that needs to be relinquished. Moving into the world and cutting myself off from all I've ever known in a great thing. I haven't learned how to be a productive, self-reliant individual. Okay well that's not terribly true, but I have seen myself sabotage things out of laziness or just lack of interest.

There are things I choose to believe. There are people I choose to associate with. I don't feel I have to defend myself over the things I do or say any longer. I am my own parent, my own guide. It's such a terrific freedom to me to just move on. I know that in the end things will end up as they should be. I hope it isn't like the fantastically sad dream I had last night. I ended up paying off my family in order to keep them away from me and my new "Hollywood" crowd. Everyone got 10,000 dollars from me and I ended up crying in the dream and after I woke.

My wish for my friends and family is simple: Peace.

I usually end up stirring the pot because I like to join in on the fun too. But I've got to control my emotions long enough to stave off the impulse to ream my unloved ones online. We all have people in our lives, not just family, but co-workers, peers, etc who constantly feed us negativity. I am a believer in the truth that you are your environment. If you say you're struggling you are struggling. If you say you're not worthy then you are not worthy.

I am a happy and loving person. I am filled with compassion and pity. Some days I am only human and I let my emotions take over my mouth. I say what I need to say. I feel better but ultimately no one ever likes the truth. And especially not the harsh truth.

I am one to learn from my mistakes. I am not a failure and will rise above the hostile cloud. I only hope that in good time everyone will learn to accept who I am. Jolee Atkins-Summerville. Actress, singer, amateur photographer, future social worker/psychologist, etc, etc.

Oh and I have to admit... I love seeing how people react to me and whatever I do. I am fascinated with the way we are all connected and how we affect one another. Whether we want to admit this or not, we do love attention. We all have people in our realms that inspire us to do this thing or that. So thank you to all of the lovies and even the naysayers. I only strive to prove you all wrong! Ha ha! (I think I should type in every blog that it's purely unintended if it comes across as mean. I'm not mean unless you provoke me.)

So... here's to another blog in which I pray I come across as sincere and direct. I am who I am. Deal with it. :)

Love, Light and Peace,

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