Monday, August 23, 2010

With Or Without You

"See the stone set in your eyes, see the thorn twist in your side. I'll wait for you."

What happens when two people live together who are simply related by blood, is they usually have very different goals. And most often they disagree on even the smallest of issues. Most of these pesky problems are easy to deal with. But what happens when the other person's goals and decisions seem possibly detrimental to your self-esteem and image? Do you hold your ground, state your opinions boldly, (but kindly) and just deal with the discord you've created? Or do you silently and faultlessly keep your disgruntlements and bear the heavy weight on your own?

I have to say that in the past 9 years I've resorted to trying both stances. I've been silent but then at times, I've exploded in resentment. I guess the biggest problem is stating my suppositions in a socially acceptable manner. The thing is, there is one person in the situation who does not allow me to express my beliefs without disparaging me.

Misunderstanding my views is not even what can be used to describe it. It's more like the unwillingness to comply with my views. This person can handle things in such an immature and repugnant way that it churns within my thoughts. I come up with "How did I become the catalyst to induce such ignorant and childish behaviour?" I also wonder "What did I do or say that made this person react this way?"

I always look back and review what was said, and see how I can fix it to make the other person feel better. It's never been about me really, according to said person. I never feel appreciated for what I have contributed to this life of this person. Maybe they feel as if I am a burden, and surely enough a regret. I lay the situation in God's hand now and ask for guidance to sail ahead through more choppy waters.

I have to say that my safety has not been compromised, but my emotional welfare and security have been chalked to nothing. I feel as though the good Lord will carry me through the tough, no doubt histrionic, incident as he's done before. I just know that I will receive some advice, though may it be verbose, it will be composed of strong and wise words to direct me in handling this and any other given situation in a promising manner.

PS to my B.M.: So with or without you, I'm seriously making some big changes and they will include my say and my decisions. This does directly affect me even though you say it's not about you, because if I weren't here, THAT is when it would sufficiently not be about moi.

Love, Light and as always, Peace. :)
Jolee Summerville

No comments:

Post a Comment