Tuesday, September 7, 2010

From My Heart...

As far as I am concerned freedom and privacy are pretty much the same thing. I'm willing to bet that these two ideals are necessary attributes to ensure my peace of mind. Right here and right now, I want to make the boundaries of my personal territory very clear. I have several characteristics in my personality which can overwhelm some individuals.

I have perseverance but recently I've been prone to bouts of lethargy and shiftlessness given my current situation. If I must elaborate I will say that I am employed as a part time security guard for the Kansas City Chiefs. I work at Kauffman Stadium here in Kansas City, Missouri. More specifically in the city of Raytown.

But I have decided that my indolence must come to a complete stop and it is perhaps imminent you could say.

I'm not the type of person who believes that holding all of your feelings and disgruntlements inside of your head is a healthy thing. So sometime in the last week, my birth mother came at me with plenty of anger on display. She first started off with "You got something to say to me?" Now I look up from my task of putting nails properly into a secure container and I believe she's playing around. But to my amazement she was serious.

She immediately follows with "Stop posting shit about me on Facebook!" Then she went on to accuse me of telling her friends about her past. She said she'd received texts from 3 people sharing my specific posts about she and I. One thing that one person wrote was true, I did ask everyone how they deal with familial situations involving relationships that were falsely titled. I believe I used the phrase "For example, say your uncle is actually your brother."

I searched for the exact quote and I found it. And to quote myself...

"Jolee Summerville- Question: Does anyone have a family member that does not properly acknowledge your existence to others? For instance, say you have a brother, and he's actually in reality, your uncle, but refuses to tell others the truth. What in the heck do you do with that?"
Blog on this very ridiculous issue coming later. :)

The aforementioned comment was written on August 23rd.

"Jolee Summerville Well it was fun until the drama queen had to make a scene... I'll go where I please, and Jerrie is not just my sister. Everyone who needs to know it, knows it."

This aforementioned comment was written on August 30.

This was after a night of so called debauchery. I went to Hooters (first time woohoo!) with Preston, who is a year older than I. After that we went to what my birth mother calls "her bar." Apparently, according to her, I was dirty dancing (when did the electric slide become dirty?) and drinking way too much. I also, according to her, pulled out a 100 dollar bill and tipped the bar tender a 20 dollar bill.

This did not happen, although I believe I gave him a five. Because earlier that evening I had pulled twenty dollars from the atm. The next day the bill had been "broken." Preston offered to pay for the meal and for our beers at the bar. I never took out a hundred and I have documentation to prove my statements.

In the conversation which was actually filled with more comments such as "It is not about you." I replied with "Obviously!" She also screamed to my grandmother, who was corresponding from across the room, "You treat her like a 12 year old, so do it now! You let her get away with it!" She went on to say "I do not tell people about my past," as well as "I'm grown and you're a grown ass woman so I will hit you." In which I responded with "Get out of my face right now." In retrospect, I should have let her hit me and called the police. Something I do unfortunately have experience with.

Now listen, I understand that in the heat of the moment, what prompted the actual argument I'm not sure, people say things they do not exactly mean. I'm positive she'd had someone texting her misconstrued words from my posts. The reason I am writing this blog with such tenacity is because I cannot stand hiding. I know that somewhere out there, my friends are going through something similar.

This case is quite astounding for anyone to understand simply because I am to be kept a secret. I do not understand the psychology behind this nor the motive around it. How can one acknowledge 3 of 4 children with such ease? I was not there when I was conceived and technically I was mentally absent from my birth. So I cannot ever fully understand.

I have a whole wonderful future ahead of me and I will present all that is good before the eyes of others. I will comfort those I love, and those in need. I will bestow compassion to everyone I meet. This is what I want to focus on. My past is me and I am my future. Everywhere I go I carry with me my mind. And at times, I am distracted from my goals.

The reason I got into such detail is because I need to be able to recount this later on. I do not want pity, but sympathy or just perhaps, some empathy would be nice. And I know there are many out there suffering worse than I have. They have no food, no shelter, no water and are plagued with disease. So I do not want to be labeled as a sob story.

I hope this brings closure to me and my familial issues. And I have faith that my creator will reach out and provide us with symbiotic resolution! I dearly pray for peace and love to fill our home soon.

From my heart to yours, I wish you all the love, light and peace (and abundance!) that the world will hand out.

(Donette) aka: Jolee Summerville

And since you know you cannot see yourself,
so well as by reflection, I, your glass,
will modestly discover to yourself,
that of yourself which you yet know not of.

1 comment:

  1. Ya know sweetie your own truth is all you can really hold to. No one can take that away. It is deep and real. And you are beautiful. It's a shame that she wants to hold on to her truth, which is in fact a lie. I think it's just plain mean of them to force you to live back there and endure their BS. I have asked this before. How do they sleep at night?