Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Dreams, Cheating & Other Issues...

Imagine a day where you have finally found the person you want to dedicate your life to. Think about how happy and loving you are towards one another and how you choose to stay committed. Dream up the perfect scenario of the day you move in together and have settled on making the perfect little home for each other. Now flash forward a few months later after vulnerabilities have presented themselves and the shroud of mystery is slowly peeled away. Here's where the real work begins.

Living life together as men and women is as perfect a grand design as there ever could be. God truly made us to be balance in life and to learn to co-exist peacefully. Though I'd say in society there still seems to be many struggles with equality not only between sexes but also races and social status. But as always hope is still instilled in many of us and we strive to make our piece of the world better daily.

In that quest for love and acceptance, I have encountered different personalities that allow for such wonderful possibilities! I have finally found fabulous friends and hope to learn and grow to love them better. I am not only a people pleaser but I am also an inquisitive mind that wishes to capture as much information as possible in order to fulfill my purpose. I tend to use modern tools like the internet to find the answers I seek.

This past week I've been dealing with a semi-conflicting personality from a male that I've come to truly admire. It sounds contradictory but after a few months we start to see thought patterns emerge from within and manifests itself as a behavior. And this is what I have observed. I have heard over the past few weeks snarky comments about my time spent outside the home.

Not only have I heard comments but I've also heard reports of fears creeping into dreams. So much creeping, in fact, that my loving boyfriend has awoken twice now majorly perturbed! The sandman has not been kind sadly and the reports are quite disturbing. In the dream I was cheating with two males at a bar and then proceeded to make waffles for them.

Now to be totally honest much of this dream, although highly irrational, has been instigated by sudden fears brought upon for what the male describes as "no reason, really." He can't figure out why he's so upset with me or why these dreams are even a possibility. We've had many a discussion involving this topic of cheating and while I find it constructive to communicate (and fully encourage him to use his words as juvenile as it sounds) I find myself growing more frustrated and mad back!!!!

In order to maintain the peace I do all the sappy love talking/affectionate kissing I can without him going "Oh my gosh" at me. I have not felt love like this for a while so for me it's just completely incomprehensible that I would willingly wreck it so quickly! Perhaps I need to step it up!

I had to do some research on this to not feel so alone. I know how common a fear this really is so I'm not cray obsessive over it but I do want to be informed and try to do my part in ensuring peace of mind for my lovely. I am a fanatic of dream searching and seeing why we dream the things we do. I truly find peace in the fact when I find the possibilities. It means that I am closer to solving the mystery!

Dreams happen for many reasons. In the words of Dr Scott Haltzman, "theories range from wish fulfillment, to random neurological discharge of the brain cells, to mastering an emotional state you can’t handle while awake." For many of us we cannot accomplish our communication goals until we know what we are trying to say. Simply because you dream something doesn't imply the actions are being carried out in reality. According to the aforementioned doctor, "there’s no scientific evidence that dreams reveal hidden actions of others. Ironically, if anything, they may reveal your own hidden wishes: have you been thinking about fooling around outside the [relationship?]"  

Here are some questions to ask yourself and your loved one before throwing a fit of rage:

  • How can I know you are faithful to me?
  • What limits do you set on others of the opposite sex who might be attracted to you?
  • Are there situations in which you’d be at risk for having an affair?
  • Do you have needs in our relationship that I’m not meeting that would make you more likely to seek comfort with someone else?
  • If you were ever to have an affair, how would we be able to talk about it?

 I plan on taking initiative to make sure my man knows I am committed to making him happy and feel loved and accepted always. I hope some of you may have feedback or opinions regarding relationships, cheating, communication or what have you! I look forward to seeing your responses and wish you all the best. It's still Winter out there so remain calm and be cautious! 

Love, Light & Peace,
Jolee Summerville

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