Tuesday, October 26, 2010

30DC - Day 24 - Shameful

On this challenge day I am supposed to share a story about my past. And not just any old story, a story about which I feel shameful about. To imply shame means to me, to imply that one regrets something. I honestly have to say I do not have any regrets about how I've lived my life. Every day and every lesson makes me stronger and wiser.

I wouldn't have it any other way no matter how tough it gets. I know it's all for the greater good. It's the grand design. But there are plenty of things I've done in my life that have granted me the right to feel shamed by them. I have one in mind that I'll share.

I remember that one day I was spending time at my mother's apartment. It was the year of 2001 and several of my many cousins and I were gathered here for a winter sleepover. I believe it was after Christmas day and us girls wanted time together. This was the year we lost my father figure, Ernest to lung cancer. It had been 4 years in a row of losing a member in the family, one a year.

One of these days we ended up playing hide and seek. In the game I was helping Carli, one of the middle cousins whom is younger than I, find her younger sister. I think she had found me and perhaps I was angry at being found? I do remember knowing in which room Kaylee was hiding in but not the exact location.

Carli asked me if I knew where she was and I pointed to the room. She found her sister just a few moments later. The next thing I know Kaylee is shouting that it wasn't fair that I told Carli where she'd been hidden. I'm thinking she saw me point to the room and wanted to tattle, as a lot of children tend to do. I had to explain that Carli asked me where KayKay was and I only pointed in that direction.

I was told I had not played fairly and had to be removed from playing anymore. I don't know exactly why this sticks out. Maybe it is because I don't get to spend much time ever with the girls and now we're all spread out across many states. It's just not a terribly pleasant memory with them and I wish things had gone differently. They all know me as the good girl and they've probably since forgotten this particular incident but I remember it very well.

I'm excited to be getting ready for the holiday season here in super cold Kansas City, even though it's been a really rough year. I would love to be home in sunny San Diego and I have faith my creator will take me back exceptionally soon. I hope you all are doing well and holding loved ones near. You may not have much time left, so make the rest of it you have positive!

Love, Light & Peace,
Jolee Summerville

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