Just jump on in...

I know for a fact now that moving on my own is the absolute best thing for me. It's going to be rough but there are always ways back 'home.' If I'm going to commit to taking good care of the ones I love I must be dependent solely upon myself first to truly conquer my destiny. I know that going back to California and making a home for myself will give me wings to fly and be my productive, giving self.

Even while handing out free root beer floats, flirting with some silly stoned boys, smiling at some hunky men, I felt completely satisfied for fulfilling our customer's desires. I was rewarded in more ways than one. Plus I actually had fun with my coworkers and we did a fantastic job! I think only 7 or 8 were dropped. The rest of the 3000 made it to a happy guest!

It was so simple and yet everyday should be like that. So blessed and grateful for everything I have, have had and will have. I've been feeling much better about my self these days because of kind acts. I guess I just told myself I wasn't being nice to the RIGHT people. Now that I've made a valiant effort at work and elsewhere, things have definitely improved. I've let people take advantage of my gullibility and sweetness but I do believe that it's always better to be a kind and thoughtful person rather than not. You gotta set the tone. You are your environment.

My Aunt Mary Katheleen has returned to Kansas City with one of her 5 children, Milena. I love that sweet, spoiled cousin of mine. She's going to be four in December. I cannot believe the time has flow and I've seen her 4 times since she was born! If all goes well, Milena will be mine. Someday when no one else has the right or the gall to pull off raising this innocent child it will be me who will gladly step up to the plate and willingly sacrifice whatever need be to attend to her every need. I will financially, emotionally and physically support her until the time comes for her to be a free woman and spread her wings. I want her mother to always always be apart of her life because I truly adore that woman for all of the strength and bravery she has. I have never ever talked shittle about Kat on any of my blogs. Sometimes she infuriates me and we've shared words but it always comes down to the fact that we deeply care for the other. She's one of my only 3 few family members I can talk to now, the rest are either in jail or elderly.

I can only do so much in that area too. I've made so much effort in the past 8 or 9 years to be Donette. And oh my lordy that poor chick is so pitiful! Jolee can have some rough times, but Donnie, she just is as naive as a cow. I'm done with being a child. It's time to be mature, act like a good person and respect the people I do love and care about.

It's nearly time for bed now as it's after 2:45 am and I've been awake since about 7:30 am! I'm glad to have gotten this all out and I hope that when it is reread by myself tomorrow I will be proud of this stella' young lady I'm turning out to be.

Love, Light and Peace,
Jol

Unusual YouTube!

Hey guys! It's a perky Jolee here on a Saturday evening... or early Sunday morning (it's after midnight!) and I've just uploaded new videos of me (yes, it's really me and not a monkey!) onto my YouTube channel JolSummerville. I hope you all enjoy the unedited clips. Better yet to come! Night all, I must retire to more private environs, since I work all day tomorrow carhoppin'! Hooray for making that moolah on a rainy Sunday!



More on my channel!

Love, Light and Peace,
JS

E Marks The Spot

Education is important to you right now and you can learn a ton, no matter how formal or informal your coursework may be. You might be boning up on French history or making a killer piecrust, but it pleases you deeply. ~ Astrology.com

Obviously today is an important day for me since tonight I turn in my final term paper, for Sociology (I chose the topic of aging) and we'll prepare for our final exam next week!!! I cannot believe that finals are already here! I know I'll do well because I've worked hard on this. Even though I am not truly loving it, I still love to feel smart. I like making connections in my brain without even knowing it. I am basking in the warm glow of the sun today as well as studying for our "Murderball" discussion/test tonight. I was about to get a little taste of Charmed but TNT is acting severely strange so I decided to pop open my horoscope. It's been an amazing day of quiet, but I am still struggling to give up my love. Herb has been retracted from my life because well, I think I needed to face some things and do without for financial purposes, so a true cleansing is occurring as I type! I'm going to return home clear-minded and ready to toke it up and live life! Tomorrow is truly an off day for me because I have no work, no school, nothing to do except invite some friends over for scrapbooking and music fest fun! We'll all be singing along to Tim's guitar and Cam's vocals! I've got a few boxes full of memorbilia to stuff into one book for my trip home. I'm condensing everything down, which is both good and sad. But no worries. Tomorrow's also payday! Time to start savin for that ticket!

Love, Light and Peace,
JS

You Must FILTER Your Thoughts!

All that we are is the result of what we have thought. If a man speaks or acts with an evil thought, pain follows him. If a man speaks or acts with a pure thought, happiness follows him, like a shadow that never leaves him. ~ Buddha

Can you let it pass you by? Your key to happiness rests all in the hands of the one and only you! Sometimes we all go through dark periods where there's nothing else we can think about but destruction and despair. Sometimes it's plain necessary to keep you grounded but there comes a point in time when you must succumb to peace once again. You cannot pollute your mind with any negative thoughts. Even the littlest on about someone's terrible driving can result in a major pain for you later. I have recently been so unfocused that I let my life get so out of sorts. I 'cleared the clutter' once more, reflected about my actions and words, and made a decision to be proactive. Just do it, is my new motto. Yes I stole it from Nike! I think I'll give it back and com up with my own. Of course just because I take back what I did, it does not erase the bad deed. I must remember that next time, I shall refrain from whatever bad deed it is at hand whether it be a negative thought or action. I realized that just because you did something to redeem yourself, it's not enough. You have to put extra effort into being seen as good again.

At least I'm not an actual thief, at least not anymore now that Bug isn't around to steal her clothes! (Who still has my Britney Spears fragrance somewhere!) I have thought some mean thoughts but I am pretty quick to shut myself up. I'm quite harsh with myself especially when I affect others. I learn my life lesson but believe me it still continues on in my mind for miles after that! Even so, we must be kind to ourselves and others. The real lesson is about being pure in the first place so you do not have to counteract your mistakes.

The other lesson is to keep your hands away from your face! Ha ha! I think I'm one of the only people I know who has a serious problem with touching their hair and face repeatedly. But I am making a conscious effort to STOP BITING my nails! They're growing out nicely, though I don't ever paint them so they're kind of brittle. I think it's important to keep up appearances and I'm starting to really be more aware of that as well. There is so much to think about in regards to what you put in your body, what comes out, what to do to it, etc. I've been rigorously working on exercising everyday even if it's only ten minutes of strenuous activity. I do go to school still and work which is a pretty damn good workout! There are so many stairs at the school it's crazy, and at work I'm usually running over to the ice cream stand and back to drive-thru!

I'm so thankful for everything I have and I'm about to become way less stringent on my belongings since I can only take so much home with me. I'm glad because this will give me a chance to start over with my own items, my own attachments and associations with them. I think it will make me even more grateful because I'll be paying for it! I think that's going to be the easiest part of my trip to document because I already have a sense of the overwhelming feeling of providing for yourself in life. But it's a most welcome change in my new adventure! That's part of the struggle right?

I can feel the shift in energy and it's incredible. They may not see it now, but the future is going to being so much more to me than we can imagine right now. I'm open to virtually any opportunity at this point. I'm so thrilled to have complete control over my life, my destiny. What an exciting time!

Breathe, relax. It's going to be JUST FINE!

Love, Light and Peace,
JS

I'm SO Nervous!

I am frazzled as of late. It's about all this excitement from moving and so many things going on here! There is so much to do before I announce my departure to everyone. I am afraid of their reactions though I'm not sure why. I'm going to do it anyways! I guess I just want everyone to have faith in me that I can make it on my own. My grandmother, of course says, "No you can't!" She's not trying to be rude in a controlling way, it's more of a lack of faith kind of rude. She has no sense of my real self but at least she knows what it's like to be 20 and broke. But she had kids and I do not, so this should not be too much of an issue for me. I dont think my move to LA will be too rough. I cannot believe I am forced to actually sit down every week and talk for 2 hours to the old family members all to reassure everyone. I have to be around in the evenings so I dont appear sullen and withdrawn. It's all a facade I suppose and one I despise living in. The only way to truly get away from them is to be on my own, and literally ON MY OWN. It's a crazy world we live in but a beautiful one too. We've only got ourselves to take care of which is what's most important. I have to take care of things myself. I've only got me to blame for my mistakes, my insecurities. I want to prove to everyone and myself that I am a winner. I guess this is a lifelong journey? I just really want to be happy. I mean, I am happy and thoroughly grateful for all the loving people I have in my life, and everything else but here without my loved ones near, and not doing what I love because of others expectations, I am quite unhappy.

There are brief pure moments here and there of exquisite joy and happiness. I am carefree and ready to ride. Others are pretty cruel and vile and this is when I seem to be restless, moody and insensitive. I need to re-strike a cord with balance. Moving home, (to my 2nd home in California) is the nest thing I need right now. I'm just getting back in touch with the Lord. I hate to admit that because I have been selfish all these years and have fallen. I do stick to my Buddhist beliefs but obviously I am applying them to God's rules. I still will never believe half of the Bible, but hey I guess I'll know for sure when I die? I guess I'm fully Agnostic now and not classified as Buddhist. I am really excited for what's coming because I know the world is mine for the taking. I have so many plans and ideas for the future! It's going to be a crazy month and a half, especially with paying off my first credit card, and a cruise coming in October (!) and SO many other things to pay off, but I'M READY!

Bring it on life, I'm so ready to just go for a ride!

Love, Light and Peace,
Jolee

The Accident, The Jobs and...

A few weeks ago, I'd say about 2 and a half weeks ago, I endured yet another car crash! This has to be the 2nd auto accident in 10 months! Of course I take full responsibility (NOT!) as all good young ones should do. I have already committed myself to taking some driver's education classes to get out of my ticket, but the other driver (who actually hit me in my side and totaled my car) was talking on her cell phone and driving at a higher speed than I was. But alas, we were drenched in snow and ice. You couldn't see a foot ahead of you. That's what I get for not really focusing on what is right and just going for the gold.

I am truly blessed to have acquired another vehicle in such a short amount of time as I can not finish school (it will be finished in mid-May or so) and to my two lovely new jobs one at Sonic (hooray for cherry limeades and coneys!) and the other at American Eagle Outfitters at the mall! It's so cool I get to dress up for at least 2/3 of my week! Girls gotta pay her bills somehow and these places are perfect because I can just transfer to Cali since both companies have stores there! I have found some awesome places for cheap right in the middle of Hollywood and Santa Monica, but I'm still not sure where I specifically want to go yet.

I was driving home this afternoon and thought "This road isn't as long as it used to be." What I meant was that I had gotten familiar with the long, windiness of Dickinson Road. "The road is always shorter when you know where you're going." I think that speaks volumes! I can turn this around and make it positive. I know my road back home will be a shorter one because I know when I'm going and I'm pretty sure I'm going to L.A. Now I still am having a bit of time deciding between SD or LA. It's a tough choice so I'm going to have to drill out some pro/con lists!

I promise pictures are coming!!!! And VIDEOS!!!!

Love, Light and Peace,
JS

Time to Appreciate Nature!

Sometimes in life all you need to is stop, breathe and remind yourself to have fun for once. So wew went to the Kansas City Zoo for a day of fun and leisure. We ate some pretty expensive (for no reason at all!) food after a long walk through Africa! And then in Kenya, for some reason, after some intriguing bird dialogue and intense observation, we came about those darn lil primates we call monkeys. One monkey decided to give us a nice disgusting wee wee show. But it's actually quite hilarious because he has no idea it's there! And some kid is making a VERY hilarious comment. Hence the name of the video on my Youtube Channel "Very Suspicious Monkey."


(And IGNORE Brian Tanis, I love him but he's crazy!)

Enjoy! New Blog with me singing and talking about the accident and all that jazz.

Love, Light and Peace! (And human nature!!!!)
Jolee <3